AndreaUrJoking

1.  How much fiber is too much fiber? (10.12.10 @ 2.12pm)

2.  How can Chucky get by in life with a face like screams “I like to torture kittens” and a finger that is either being eaten away or being shoved up his nose?  (10.12.10 @ 11.03am)

3.  Why does drinking cause alcohol poops?  Like, what internal mechanism causes that and why does it happen all of the time?  (10.23.10 @ 9.59am)

4.  Why does a certain dating site match me up with people are short or retarded or cross-eyed or not gainfully employed or uneducated or just plain ugly? (10.27.10 @ 10.39am)

5.  What have I done to warrant this punishment that’s keeping me locked in my apartment for 3 days straight?  Have I killed someone but completely forgot?  FML! (11.6.10 @ 11.38am)

6.  Why doesn’t Chucky speak up and enunciate?  Perhaps it is because no one cares about what he has to say!  (11.18.10 @ 11.25am)

7.  WTF are pubes doing on the toilet in the Ladies Room at work? (11.22.10 @ 5.04pm)

8.   Why did Chucky almost touch my computer?  That would have gotten the shit beaten out of him and everyone would have understood and covered up the crime with me.  Keep your fucking fingers off of my shit, Chucky. (12.22.10 @ 12.26pm)

9.  What is with all the frickin’ snow????  Why is it so frickin’ cold???  This is beyond dumb!!! (1.11.11 @ 8.50pm)

10. Why is some dude stalking me?  Ok, we went out like 3 times and he called me several times a day, texted too, so I had to break up with someone I wasn’t even dating!  We weren’t even dating!  I swear, we were not even dating!  Furthermore, if I must list the reasons why I never started dating him, here they are…  Short, not college educated, nail biter, pot head, called to much, texted too much, laughed at his own jokes that weren’t funny (probably because he was high and the joke was in his head only), lives with too many roommates for being his age, needy, clingy… omfg! (1.22.11 @ 11.41am)

11. Why did someone (who is definitely not the President of the United States of America or someone high profile like that) request that I address him by his title in an email to my clients?  Little handed, little dicked, douche bag… You’re not even C-level! (3.11.11 @ 5.28pm)

12. Why do ugly women insist on wearing lip stain?  Furthermore, why wear it if you do not know the proper way to apply it?  It makes an already extremely ugly woman look like Hatchet Face. You know the dumb bitch thinks she is rockin’ it too.  No. No you’re not.  Put it away… under a brown paper bag, madam.  Do it now, do it completely, do it for the kids lest they go blind.  (3.21.11 @ 10.02am)

13.  If you have hairy toes and your pedi is years old, why would someone wear flip flops?  That is just disgusting.  (6.1.11 @ 2.55pm)