OMG! GRRRR! It’s Tuesday morning, aka Monday Part II, and I’m in my regular place getting my regular eggs because it’s a regular day. I’m wearing brown sandals, a blue skirt and a white racer back tank – nothing special. Anyhoo, I’m standing by the counter waiting for my Spanish omelette with hash browns and turkey bacon when I feel someone brush up against me from behind. It didn’t grab my rear or anything but it was close enough to make my pony tail swing as it passed. Then… I hear it.
“You look great today,” it said.
Already disgusted because I am certain Bruce Springsteen does NOT frequent my morning breakfast establishment, I turn to see a milky white old geezer, donning a cum colored sport jacket, olive khakis, a non-descript button down, no tie, and one of those bald heads that glistens in the morning sun (picture that head to the right, just balder). AND THEN HE SMILES!
Never speak to me, sir. Never! Don’t even speak to me to tell me that Bin Laden #2 is behind me and is about to rape and pillage my body in the name of whatever the hell they claim they do shit in the name of. Don’t talk to me if there is a man behind me carrying gasoline and pliers wearing a shirt that says “Hunting my next victim”. Do not address me if Voldemort is behind me wielding the Elder Wand! Never speak to me… NEVER EVER SPEAK TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING EVER.
I am feeling dirty right about now and I can’t help but hope that I see him spewed on 8th Avenue in a pile of mess and spittle. Is that wrong? Is it bad that I really hope his tongue falls out of his skull and a pigeon carries it away and drops into the Hudson never to be found again? How bad is it that I am hoping he is on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) because his penis and balls were cut off in a mechanical mishap when he was younger thus making him unable to reproduce and generate his own testosterone?
Honestly, I could give a rat’s genitalia if I’m right or wrong in this case because nothing I hope will have any impact on this scumbag’s daily life. Therefore, in closing, I will say this… I hope Mr. Cialis has a great day today starting with his denture cream, going through his probiotic yogurt and bran muffin breakfast, into his mid morning Ensure, leading up to a heart healthy lunch that is low in cholesterol yet high in taste, followed by his afternoon dose of meds taken on a full stomach, rolling into a high fiber supper filled with soft and creamy foods since the dentures are now out, and finally finishing with an evening Ensure and a rough game of Wheel of Fortune.
Good day, sir.
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