Dammit to hell! I bought these new jeans (and you know when you just don’t anticipate seeing a gigantic muffin top form but you put the jeans on and then holy furious beast of beasts you see one?) and I’m shocked that they’re “Petite” yet they are too long for me. Perhaps I should return them due to the length.
Happy Birthday to my very first love from way back in day when would look at each other through windows and talk on the phone and stand on our property lines and make out and you would make those funny sounds because we were young and your voice was high and sometimes you’d put me on your shoulders so people could throw footballs at me and then we got older and lost touch but then we reconnected on MySpace before someone went nuts and I went down for a visit and we played Mario and you hid the camera (you hid the camera!) and we ate calamari and then we would meet up for dinner in my second favorite city and the movie kiss and the “I think you’re too smart for me, you didn’t mention that in your ad” that scared the waiter and the random texts we send from time to time because you know we should make those babies that Jay-Z wants in his video (ya heard) so here’s to you and your size 28 waist jeans and the many more years to come. I love you! Happy happy happy birthday.