AndreaUrJoking

OMG I hate everything right now.  I had two interviews today that went well but other than that I’m mad… GRRR.

Had to take a piss at the Manhattan Mall.  Saw some fat bitch in a clear bubble umbrella that didn’t fit over her man-width shoulders.  Some stupid Asians were blocking the escalator so there was a near pile up.  I tried on every bra at Victoria’s Secret but since I’m not a porn star or ghetto trash who likes to wear my boobies so they are level with my clavicle nothing fit.  I got rained on.  My spinning shoes might be spent and new ones are over $100 easy.  My belly hurts on and off.  I need more coffee but I had plenty and it was all broken.  The Mets play tonight and I don’t trust them.  Someone I know is being overly sensitive to the fact that we never dated, will never date, etc. – get over yourself, man, and stop crying about it.

Basically, I want everyone to shut the hell up, move out of my way, stop being so fat your can’t fit into an umbrella, quit being a whiny little bitch because you like me and I don’t like you back, and just stop being aggravating.

One more thing:  Since when is Victoria’s Secret the underwear brand of choice in the hood and swamp?  Honestly, there is no reason for every single bra they produce to make me look like I belong in some music video.  Be it Jay-Z or old school Poison, they were just nasty and so were the hounds in the store.

Happy Birthday to my very first love from way back in day when would look at each other through windows and talk on the phone and stand on our property lines and make out and you would make those funny sounds because we were young and your voice was high and sometimes you’d put me on your shoulders so people could throw footballs at me and then we got older and lost touch but then we reconnected on MySpace before someone went nuts and I went down for a visit and we played Mario and you hid the camera (you hid the camera!) and we ate calamari and then we would meet up for dinner in my second favorite city and the movie kiss and the “I think you’re too smart for me, you didn’t mention that in your ad” that scared the waiter and the random texts we send from time to time because you know we should make those babies that Jay-Z wants in his video (ya heard) so here’s to you and your size 28 waist jeans and the many more years to come. I love you! Happy happy happy birthday.