Ok, I love you everyone but those of you out there who say that global warming is a government-made farce to keep the brains of the little people in check must be kidding. It must be some elaborate joke that I’m not aware of because human beings in the year 2011 are not still that stupid… are they? This October snow is not a sign of global warming not existing; nor is the presence of penguins, ice cubes, polar bears (whose habitats are, in fact, melting!), iced mud slides, barnacles, Wonder Bread, beer, PWT on Maury or hang nails.
Other musings… There should be an Adults Only section at IHOP. I love their potatoes (nom nom nom) but those screaming little idiots really should be put into another section along with their parents. Like duh, it’s not a fine freaking dining establishment but the deliciousness of my potatoes is inversely effected (affected? – sue me for not knowing) by the increased volume of the imps. I know, I know. When I’m a parent I will understand. Whatever. You know what? No I won’t. How can I be so frickin’ sure? Because I know me and I know that if my child were acting like a bonobo I’d take the child outside and threaten to take whatever it holds dear away for the rest of its life. I would not sit idly by and let my cretin ruin the mornings of perfect strangers by actin’ a fool. I have too much pride. I was also raised properly and I know parents who raise their little children properly. Maybe that’s the difference.
Or maybe it’s IHOP.
What else? I saw a kid the other day who looked just like her ugly mother. I felt bad for her. She really has no hope of growing up pretty and we all know – especially with girls – it really isn’t what’s on the inside that counts. Unless she’s smart like Steve Jobs. That’s her poor fate. We know no one is going to be smart like Steve Jobs in the coming years and certainly not some homely monster child whose future obesity has been clenched by her current obesity. Parents should really try to feed their kids healthy foods.
LET’S GO JETS!