AndreaUrJoking

Just started a new job and haven’t had time to write.  Know that I’m happy, everything is fine, I’ve not yet ripped anyone’s balls off, I’m still going to the gym yet I’m still fat, etc.  Basically, it’s all goodness, baby!

Also, in the spirit of full disclosure, here are three things I would like to share…

1.  I want to be Charlie Sheen.  Since that’s impossible, I applied to be his Social Media intern.  I really did.

2.  I am going out with the ladies for Saint Patrick’s Day and need to know where the hottest of the hot FDNY men will be this year.  2/3 of us are single and are looking for action!  Or just some gorgeous eye candy.  Any suggestions would be great.  Thinking 2nd Avenue in the 50s is always a good place to start but I need specifics.

3.  I was dating GTL from Long Island but I’m not anymore.  I know, five dates does not a relationship make.  However, he seemed nice enough even though he really kind of was a 37 year old beefcake who got his eye brows waxed, went tanning and got mani/pedis.  Why am I not dating him anymore?  Well, because after he got drunk on our last date he became a bigot, a racist and homophobic.  Nice, right?  He was fully objectionable prior to that bullshit but afterwards he became wholly repugnant.  Oh, and he’s also short!

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/app/obituary.aspx?n=christopher-anthony-matlosz&pid=147889497

The wake for Officer Matlosz is today and the funeral is tomorrow.  In lieu of flowers, the family has asked that donations be made to the Jersey Shore Animal Shelter.  If you would like to do so, here are the contact details for this organization…

Telephone: 732-920-1600
Fax: 732-920-3706

Postal address: 185 Brick Boulevard, Brick, NJ 08723
Directions: Located at 185 Brick Boulevard just north of the Stop-n-Shop & Burlington Coat Factory Center.
Email: info@jerseyshoreanimalcenter.org

Please give generously… as he did.

I am heading down to Lakewood in a few minutes actually.  My family is attending the wake and I am babysitting that niece of mine, love her.  Since I don’t have any NYPD swag, I’m rocking my FDNY shirt I got from a real live NY fireman (woot woot for me). Anyway, thank you kind sir for the shirt.  It’s making its maiden (what’s the masculine equivalent of maiden?) journey today down to Jerz due to current events in town.

Finally, let me wish all of the Emergency Service Personnel and First Responders a safe day, as well as safe days to come.  I know that there are rumors of violence in town and I’m praying (and I do not do that often at all) for your well-being.  I hope today begins the healing process for all who knew Officer Matlosz, all who were impacted by this loss, and the town itself.

Yeah man!  I wore Uggs to my interviews and it was fine but I felt like a fat schleppy monster.  It was pouring today, freezing slush everywhere.  For real, NYC weather needs to change.  I want the summer.

So check this out – I was heading home after my last meeting and what do I see but a woman whose head was gushing blood.  I don’t know if she fell or what but the fucking female cops were barely involved in the filing the report.  I mean, clearly someone had alerted the cops that someone was in distress but these fat bitches saunter over like they are doing their retarded uncle a favor!  This poor woman’s brains could have just been beaten out and these “cops” acted like they were too busy.

Sure, I am a jaded New Yorker and in all sincerity the woman could have been a crack head who slipped on the icy steps.  However… SHE WAS GUSHING BLOOD!  Does that not up the ante?  If not to protect the masses from walking in her blood, doesn’t GUSHING BLOOD mean that this is a situation of mild importance?

Now I am going to say something that is going to horrify some people but this is my mofo blog and I will say what I want.  Plus, the First (damn) Amendment was written specifically for me in this instance so sit down, take a breath, put down your beverage and…

NEW YORK CITY NEEDS TO STOP HIRING GED-TOTING RACISTS WHO SPEAK BROKEN ENGLISH into the vacant public service positions!!!

Let me clarify…  The cop, the female, said something so appalling that an Asian like me got my knickers in a knot.  As I passed them and looked at the woman on the ground with a bodega napkin to her bloody fucking forehead like “OMFG, the blood!” one of the officers said to the other, “Stupid white bitch be bleeding”.  Really?  Yes!  REALLY?  YES, REALLY!

In other news, BRING IT ON, BIG BEN!  We beat you once, we will beat your ass again!  Woot woot!  Go JETS!

One more thing…  I  hate peas.  I discriminate against peas!  They are disgusting.