AndreaUrJoking

Dating in this damn town is impossible, especially when you hear that people who absolutely hate either other are getting married.  Maybe I should stop looking for someone I love and just start looking for someone I can tolerate enough to NOT kill since it seems like those are the relationships that are making it to “the engagement stage”.

I don’t care if I sound extra bitter today.  I woke up early for no reason and logged onto Facebook and I see that another couple who, for all intents and purposes, should NOT be engaged is actively planning their wedding.  Take it from me… Getting married doesn’t mean FOREVER.

I can’t wait to report that these dullards are pregnant.

Raise your glasses to broken families, especially those with small children… CHEERS!

Ok, looks like a retarded monkey who knows how to spell has gotten an online dating profile and listed THAT as his ideal date.  I have no words.  I think that freak has said enough.

Than!

How does one OVER LOOK the moon?  Or OVERLOOK?  Neither is possible.

What a dildo.

Post Script:  He also describes himself as “gorgeous”.  Something tells me that’s a lie.

Post Post Script:  You lucky people.  This just keeps getting better.  Ok so in my search for an image of the quintessential dildo I found this site.  It’s scary.  I’m all about “do you” but if you need this stuff, maybe you should see a doctor because, my friend, you may have issues.

Anyhoo… http://www.sextoy.com/category.php?a=stcppc&cid=591

Straight up, ok.  I went out on a date last night and had a nice time.  Watched the Jets beat the Colts (yeah boy!) and had a couple beers.  Woke up today, checked my email and got the message below.  How much do you want to bet I am NOT emailing this wanker back?  BTW, he is 51!

Actually, I’m sort of inclined to respond to this fool and tell him that he’s barking up the wrong Asian tree for several reasons.  How is this…

Dear Old White Pervert,

I disrespectfully decline your offer of immediate procreation for several reasons.  First off, I’m not a “delicate flower” Asian – I’m a chick from NJ who doesn’t take shit.  Second, if you want to find an Asian mistress to answer whenever beckoned there are websites where you can buy one.  Third, I only date smart men.  Since it is clear that your IQ is in the double digits, you are entirely too stupid for me and I will intellectually rape you for sport both privately and in front of your friends.  Fourth, I may be single but I do not need a green card, am not at all desperate, have pride and, last but not least… I’m too good for you in every way imaginable.  I hope you understand.  Take care and best of luck finding the slave you so clearly desire, you stupid impotent prick.

Is that too mean?

If only it was simple.

Why is dating so damn hard?  Someone likes me, I don’t like him back.  I like someone, he doesn’t like me back.  I’m dating someone and we like each other enough but not  enough enough and then we just become friends.  This is insanity!  I have enough friends!  CHECK MY FACEBOOK!

I might be bitching but this problem is not unique to me which pisses me off even more.  The entire city of New York is dating yet I know not a single human being, male or female, who has met someone and fallen in love and gotten married in the six freaking years I have been here.  Why is that, New York?  I think it’s because we are a bunch of liars.  Meeting someone who is the jam in my jelly roll can’t be that hard unless the people who are on the market are really not all that on the market.

Granted, there are some fundamentally inappropriate people out there and yes, you have to put up with the shit butter on your search for butter cream.  HOWEVER… I am getting really frustrated eating crow.  I’m a nice girl and I’m friends with nice girls and nice guys and I have dated nice guys and I have met nice girls that my nice guy friends have dated and you know what?  WE ARE ALL SINGLE.

WHY IS THAT?  HAS IT ALWAYS BEEN THIS HARD (and by “hard” I mean “fucked up to the 81st degree of what-the-good-god-damn”)?

At the risk of getting all Carrie Bradshaw, I really wonder how this all works and when/where it ends.  It really seems like a vicious cycle and if I’m forced to run around in circles like a gimp whose one leg is drastically shorter than the other, I think some sort of weight loss and mental clarity should be the reward.