I just finished watching a British documentary entitled “A Complete History of My Sexual Failures”. It was made in 2008 and stars Chris Waitt; he is also the director. Per IMDB.com, “Independent filmmaker Chris Waitt attempts to interview his ex-girlfriends to find out why they dumped him.” It was funny and self-deprecating and sad and hopeful but it got me thinking…
What would my exes say about me?
Granted, I was sort of in a long relationship while most people my age were dating but still. Then that thought (the one about my exes and their comments about me) made me remember the pivotal scene in “High Fidelity” when Bruce says to John Cusack’s character that thing about “the all time top five”…
So because I’ve been in the apartment all day except for 90 minutes while I got a manicure and a massage, I’m going to see if I can guess what my “all time top five” might say about me. Here goes nothing. (PS: I will give you a cookie if you can identify each one since they are not listed in order.)
1. We could have gotten married… for legal reasons and because I loved you.
2. I loved you, I really loved you like that but we were so young.
3. Of course I trusted you; I just didn’t want you in my apartment.
4. You were the most beautiful girl in the room but one day your sharp tongue will cut your throat.
Still waiting on Number 5. Also, just in case you are curious, Number 3 wasn’t a love of my life -- he just would actually say something that retarded so I had to throw it in for sport.
I feel inclined to state for the record that I’m not alluding to anything pertaining to sexual failures or victories with this blog. That was simply the title of the documentary that got me thinking. I also blogged earlier today and used Bruce’s “Radio Nowhere” so he is top of mind, though I’m not sure why. I love him today like I do all days but nothing specific brought him to the forefront of my mind.
I’d also like to add that I’m paraphrasing the above comments, although they are pretty damn accurate if I do say so myself. Clearly there is more to be said but I thought that it’d be best to summarize the sentiments rather than go into detail and get sued by someone -- not that any of these men are money hungry. Just being cautious since we live in a litigious world (it means prone to sue).