AndreaUrJoking

I gave this URL to one of the trainers at my gym today and now he’s going to read my lunacy which, I fear, will result in my membership being revoked, my gut getting fatter, my ass sliding down into my thighs and the muffin top turning into a cake top.  What is the matter with me?  Don’t answer that.

In my quest to be a thin Asian, not a big fat Asian, I’m going to Katz’s for lunch – great idea, right?  All kinds of heart healthy goodness there.  I’ve actually never been so perhaps they have low-fat pastrami on the menu… It’s New York so anything is possible.  Regardless, I see a Diet Pepsi in my future.  What?  WHAT?

Will write more later – just thought I’d let someone know how much I love the gym and how much I would like to continue to go so please don’t banish me based on this blog.  I don’t really mean what I say (ok, I don’t mean 100% of it 100% of the time).  Also, summer’s coming and I can’t walk around all tubby and shit.  That’s just not hot.

UGH!  So mad about this.  I’m still a BIG FAT ASIAN and it’s pissing me off.  I have been working out with my friend and her trainer, eating less shit, drinking way less alcohol, increasing my water intake, taking Meltdown, not smoking… What? The? Fuck?

Summer is coming and, at this rate, I’m going to be just as fat come May as I am right now.  This is unacceptable!  I am practically the same size now as I was when I was eating like a pig and drinking like a fish.  I’m not going to stop going to the gym because I do feel better but it would be fucking nice to see a change in my big fat ass, not just feel better in my mentally impaired head!

If anyone has any suggestions that are useful (or witty!) please send them my way.  You can reply on here, tell me in real life if we know each other, post it on my Facebook wall, Tweet me, send smoke signals, hurl tennis balls with tips at my head if you see me at the gym, tell a friend who can tell me… Any and all help is welcome.

Ok, so I had the trainer at the gym check my percentage of body fat and you know what it came up as?

RISKY!

I shit you not.  I have been going to the gym and eating better for the past three weeks and that is what the damn machine says.  I wonder what it would have registered as before I started going back to the gym… Fat fucking bitch, probably.

For realio, though.  What gives?  I am soon approaching looking like this picture and it scares me and it should scare you too, oh people who know me in real life.  Perhaps I should just give into the fact that I’m a BFP (big fat pig) and start to use that as my gimmick… “Come see the fattest Korean Jewish girl ever!” or “Pay top dollar to have a top weighing Asian strip for you!”.

It could work, no?

Ok, maybe not and obviously I am being facetious here but I really despise the fact that I’ve been going to the gym a ton and training with a friend and her trainer and there has been little change, if any.  And in all honestly, I didn’t find RISKY to be motivational.  It’s actually just mean.