Yeah I’m gonna bust out my inner Snoop and kick American Express in the bizzalls. They are truly a bunch of freaks who have gone “full retard”.
Freaks are bad in general but FULL RETARD freaks are the worst of the worst. They are like the crazy homeless people who smell like poo and walk around talking to themselves about the kids they molested in the Port-A-John back in 2002. What? Yeah! I said it.
Anyway, back to American Express. They are scumbags. I always liked them; we were buddies. However, once your buddy tries to make you suck on a crusty ball and then threatens to steal your teeth, that friendship ends and enemies we become!
The long and short of it is this: I paid them $1700 in September 2010 (yeah, just this month) and my card got cancelled! What? Yeah! Top that off with this tidbit crumb of information… I WAS NOT IN DEFAULT!
“Suck on that crusty nut, Andrea.”
“Thank you, sir, I’d rather not.”
“Oh but you must or I’m going to take you teeth.”
[Camera pans up to me donning my traditional Korean Jewish Ninja frock from days of yore when my people ran the Earth (just go with it) and some Ray Bans and Louboutins. As the camera pans down to take in the hottest shoes evah, evah, evah with the signature red soles you see me step back and deliver the most blood curdling kick to the bizzalls of Mr. American Express that has ever been seen on the planet Earth or any other planet where kicks to the bizzalls = worst thing to do to Mr. American Express.]
Ok, fine. So Mr. American Express is not real but the financial institution is so while I can’t kick anyone in his bizzalls I can share my experience with them with you. In a world where blogging and Social Media are the pack leaders on the Internet, I think this virtual kick in the bizzalls is gratifying and I hope, truly truly hope, that they read this and go limp. Forever. Forever limp.