AndreaUrJoking

Why Romney/Ryan are the death of us

I’ll say it… It’s a good thing they are pretty which will surely impact those middle American women stuck at home in loveless marriages.  You know, the ones who get all dooded up when they go food shopping because their fat husbands only know they’re still married because dinner is served and there are clean kids running about.

Also, since Mitt flips on issues (ahem, healthcare), it’s pretty clear he chose a running mate who will take stances on issues for the two of them.  (Makes you wonder who will man the grill at the barbecue, know what I mean.)

Finally, the coup de grâce

In all honestly, if the American people are more concerned with what Mr. Ryan looks like without a shirt on than they are with his Budget policy, let alone his stances on Healthcare, Womens Rights, Immigration and Education (the list goes on and on), we are in for one wild ride this fall.

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Food Truck Sunday

Come out to the iAdventure International Food Truck and Beer Festival on Sunday, you say?  It will be fun and delicious, you say?

Well, you know what iAdventure?  You can – as a friend of mine said on Sunday – “suck a bag of dicks”!  What a rip off!  We stood on line for “Greek fries” for no less than 45 minutes and you know what?  They were just fries with olive oil and feta cheese.  Nothing special there.  We were also positioned directly behind a kid who probably rides the short bus (Vegas odds, 78 : 2.5 in favor of the bus) and her adults who cared not that the imbecile was jumping around like a monkey who got away from her master.  Furthermore, one of these people wouldn’t STFU and was the size of someone who should most definitely *not* be attending a food truck festival.  The only festival that Humpty Dumpty should attend is Fat Camp Festival O’Raw Vegetables!

Admittedly, I am far from perfect.  But in all honesty, the site of that monster swilling her fries combined with the humidity made this Asian start to dry heave – no bullshit.

Also, just for shits and giggles, I almost let my Asshole Flag fly but I held back – or was held back.  Since this event blew so too did the event staff blow.  One chick asked me three times what line I was looking for – cash or tasting ticket.  All three times I said it did not matter, I just want food, I’m happy in whatever line I am in.  #Annoying.

However, the part that inspired me to verbally assault this aforementioned GED class drop out was the fact that she kept TOUCHING ME.  Do not touch me, you unclean, uneducated, simple-minded baboon.  Do not touch anyone, actually.  We don’t know where your hands have been and I, for one, do not want to find out.  You smell of the zoo and your hands are greasy!

Thank goodness my companion escorted me out of the area before I let, “Don’t touch me, you fucking asshole,” fly out of my mouth.  I admit, that is not the proper response to that situation but it was going to come out nonetheless.

The day ended with fun and laughs, though.  I calmed down, met up with some friends, had some drinks and food (we went elsewhere and paid with real money) and got home in time to watch True Blood before passing out in record time.  #SundayFunday

PS:  Don’t even get me started on True Blood.  What crap.

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Delman Fate Python Embossed Flat NWT Size 6

http://www.ebay.com/itm/320952098275?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649#ht_500wt_1287

Buy it!

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Diane von Furstenberg Sol Dress Size 2 NWT

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Diane-von-Furstenberg-Sol-Dress-Size-2-NWT-/320951061512?_trksid=p5197.m1992&_trkparms=aid%3D111000%26algo%3DREC.CURRENT%26ao%3D1%26asc%3D14%26meid%3D816891348885293695%26pid%3D100015%26prg%3D1006%26rk%3D1%26#ht_282wt_58

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Many Props for Gilt and Lifebooker

I have had some trouble with a few vendors represented by Lifebooker lately and I thought I would have an issue requesting refunds for unused vouchers.  Happy to report that has not been the case.  Same for Gilt.

Lifebooker is a great daily deal site that offers outright steals on services here in NYC, and in other cities.  Unfortunately, as a consumer, you aren’t always familiar with the vendors you are buying the services from.  On two separate occassions, I met with vendors whose services were not up to par.  I’d bought several versions of each voucher, though, because the price was too good to pass up.  Immediately, I was issued a credit (took no more than 1 business day), no questions asked!  Good work, Lifebooker!

Gilt, as you know, is a daily deal site that offers designer and name brands at a fraction of their retail cost.  They also offer lifestyle products – food, wine, home decor, travel accessories, etc.  Throughout my time buying products from Gilt, I have had two instances where the item – the “non-returnable” item – was damaged.  I called the company and they issued a return label, apologized for the state of the garment and refunded my money all within a week’s time – not kidding!  Just a week.

Key Takeaway:  Don’t be nervous about transacting with online vendors you know to be reputable.  Obviously I can’t guarantee that these experiences will always be duplicated but I’m happy to report things worked out well for me and I have no reservations about using them again in the future.  Job well done!

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Day = MADE!!!

http://www.stylebistro.com/Hollywood’s+Worst+Kissers/articles/uUZLKTQS142/Angelina+Jolie

Bad kissers!  Love Helen Mirren.

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#fail #scumbag #loser #waste

http://gothamist.com/2012/06/14/brooklyn_teen_beats_up_high_school.php

Thanks to this article, my stomach hurts.  I do like how the last paragraph is so disgusting that it cracked me up!  Go Gothamist!  Your way with words and tone have made my day.

Also, I wonder how the parents of these kids feel.  I mean, 100% of the people on the planet must agree that they are total and complete failures as human beings, breeders and air breathers.  The fact that the fertilized egg divided is a marvel in this case.  Makes me wonder if those anti-Evolution people are right considering there is absolutely no way any of these people will contribute anything to the human race.  They are the human epitome of waste and the complete opposite of “survival of the fittest”.

#fail #scumbag #loser #waste

I think I’ve found a Telfair family photo… see below.

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Ronald Poppo – “zombie” attack victim – DONATE if you can

http://www.christianpost.com/news/miami-cannibal-attack-victim-may-receive-face-transplant-new-photos-released-76544/

Jackson Memorial Foundation, Park Plaza East, Suite G, 901 N.W. 17th Street, Miami, FL 33136

Neighbors 4 Neighbors by calling (305) 597-4404

We donate our money to tons of causes that never touch the life of anyone whose name we know.  We donate to help animals and trees and we send money to other countries to help feed people who hate us.

Why not send some money to someone who is a local and actually could use some help? #ronaldpoppo

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Best Weekend Ever

Manhattan by Sail Craft Beer cruise – Pier 17, South Street Seaport NYC

Bought photography

Beach

Fishing

Sucks to be this fish since he was bait and then the subject of much imagination and fodder at the beach.

Thank you, Mr. Fish.  Desecrated but not forgotten.

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Office Inventory (as promised on Twitter)

The usual suspects… pens, pencils, tape, stapler, computer, etc.

Vitamins, perfume, air freshener, hair products including Aveda stuff and Ever Sleek by L’Oreal, honey, hand cream, Franny and Zooey by Salinger, Go Ask Alice (unknown author), Triscuits, Big John’s beef jerky (2 bags), 6 Mets fatheads are on the wall (Let’s Go Mets!), a myriad of work out clothes, New Balance sneakers, Louboutins, Seychelles, Steve Madden shoes, 2 eco bags, 1 duffle bag, spin shoes and saddle, 3 hair brushes, Degree deodorant, a million hair ties, a mirror, and pretzels.

And yes, that is a brick wall directly behind me!  I don’t care, though.  I have an office!  It’s where amazing happens.

@andrea_urjoking

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